Experiencing the Feeling of Aggression
Aggression is the intense emotional energy that arises when there is a need to protect, confront, or defend.
What is this aggression trying to protect?
Is there a fear or hurt underneath this feeling?
Can this energy be redirected into something more constructive?
What support is needed in this moment?
Aggression is often misunderstood as a purely destructive force, but it is actually a signal that something matters deeply. It can surface quickly in daily life—during stressful moments in traffic, disagreements with loved ones, or when personal boundaries feel violated. For many, aggression emerges not from a desire to harm, but from a need to be heard, to feel safe, or to regain a sense of control. It is an emotional flare that asks to be noticed and understood.
In parenting, especially with neurodivergent children, aggression can become a common expression of unmet needs. It may look like throwing, hitting, or yelling, but at its core, it is often a response to overwhelm or an inability to self-regulate. For caregivers, staying grounded in these moments takes enormous patience. Witnessing aggression from a child, especially in public, can be emotionally complex—frustrating, heartbreaking, and isolating all at once. Still, those who can stay calm and offer compassionate presence provide a powerful model of emotional resilience.
Aggression is contagious. When one person becomes aggressive, others in the room may unconsciously mirror that energy. This is where emotional agility becomes essential. Not every moment of aggression requires immediate correction or confrontation. Sometimes, what it needs most is space and someone who can hold that space with steadiness. Learning how to pause, breathe, and respond instead of react is key to breaking cycles of escalating conflict.
It is possible to shift the relationship with aggression through practices that focus on awareness and reflection. Instead of pushing it away or letting it explode, try meeting it with curiosity. What is beneath this heat? Often, aggression masks grief, disappointment, or vulnerability. Acknowledging those deeper layers creates room for healing, especially in situations where closure or understanding may never come. Sometimes, healing begins not with confrontation, but with the choice to release what no longer needs to be carried.
Mindful Mindset
Aggression often demands immediate action, but the mindful response is to pause and observe before reacting. Instead of feeding the flame, step into the role of a witness. Notice what is happening in the body—clenched fists, shallow breath, rising heat. These physical cues are invitations to slow down and ground.
Mindful Practices
A helpful practice when aggression arises is to place one hand on the heart and the other on the belly, then take three slow breaths. Feel the contact of your hands and allow the breath to guide attention inward. Ask, What am I protecting right now? This simple gesture can be a powerful way to shift from reactive to reflective.
By Princess Nicole Salas,
Princess Nicole Salas is a FeelWise Assistant with a passion for emotional intelligence, empathy, always exploring what it means to understand people more deeply. She loves watching movies and reading books. She believes even the quietest role can create meaningful impact and routed and care and intention.
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